I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
