Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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