You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
