I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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