Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
