As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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