From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
