I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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