hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
