the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
