Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
