Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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