I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
