Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize