covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
