this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize