i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Green mimosas i think yes
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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