You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize