wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
