And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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