There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you had me at cake vodka
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
