between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Let's paint friendship bongs
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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