i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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