I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
