I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
