She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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