You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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