White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Cover your peen. We're going out.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
