Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I lost the right to judge tonight
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
