I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
