I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
