I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Be still, my beating vagina.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
