i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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