i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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