my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
