Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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