dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
