I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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