I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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