I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
