just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
