I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
