Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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