i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize