so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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