Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We have so much sex to catch up on
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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