Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
