You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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