3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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