I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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