i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
