By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
