Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
