those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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