if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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