OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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