I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
