Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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