It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
