Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
