You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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