He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
