And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize