those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
