I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
