I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Found your dick twin last night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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