One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
