Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
