Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
