Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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