i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
